When Life Gives You Lemons…

…squeeze them little bastards ‘til the juice runs down your leg! At least, that was the counsel of Led Zeppelin fifty-three years ago in the Lemon Song off their Led Zeppelin II album, 1969. The song’s namesake Verse 5 went like this:

“Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg.

Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg.

The way you squeeze my lemon, ah,

I'm gonna fall right out of bed.

Bed, bed, bed, yeah.”

That verse came as a shocker at the time to the public, as well as ardent Zeppelin fans. This was especially so, considering the theme throughout the first four verses was of a breakup, not great sex. The singer laments not having dumped his woman. She had been using him and spending his hard-earned money on other men, and with the talk around town being he was not capable of pleasing her. Although people were careful not to tell him directly to his face, the poor fool was fully aware of his desperate position. The woman did nothing but cause him grief. Yet, except for this songful venting, he remained powerless to affect positive change in his life. Talk about co-dependency!

“Let me tell you baby, You ain't nothin but a two-bit, no-good jive. Went to sleep last night, worked as hard as I can, bring home my money, you take my money, give it to another man; I should have quit you, baby, such a long time ago, I wouldn't be here with all my troubles down on this killing floor.”

But no matter how much of a disappointment she was to him, and on so many levels, she apparently excelled at squeezing his lemons. In fact, she was so good at it, that he admits to getting knocked clean off the bed from what one can only surmise was its explosive intensity. Consequently, he remained hopelessly willing, time and again, to turn a blind eye to all the other short comings (no pun intended) in their lemony sour relationship.

Who has not known someone, or has been a victim themselves, of being held captive in an otherwise hellish relationship, solely because the sex was so wonderfully intense that it became an addiction – an addiction that far overshadowed the constant verbal and/or physical abuse, the constant belittling, the humiliation, the stifling of personal growth, day after day, after day? Oh, please do not get me wrong. I whole-heartedly believe in the health benefits and psychological merits of great sex, when it is practiced within a physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy relationship. I believe in my bed being a blessing, not something to be handcuffed to. (Well okay, so there are a few exceptions.)

Nonetheless, I’m sure my point has been made. When life gives you a lemon of a relationship, no matter how good it feels to have those lemons squeezed, you need to summon the courage and strength to move out and move on. Life’s much too short to tolerate abuse of any kind. Before you know it, the day finally arrives when you no longer look forward to a good lemon squeeze, but rather fear it! Where will you be then? Perhaps then too old to change anything about your life other than your diaper? Well, I suppose that depends.

Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham were born back in the day before me, but only by a few years. I’ve always considered them as peers. As with myself, the three surviving band members Page, Plant, and Jones (Bonham 1948-1980), are now also well-seasoned, older gentlemen. I certainly cannot speak for the three of them at this point in their lives. But as for me, when it comes to squeezing this old boy’s lemons, the song lyrics might better serve the times with a more fitting rewrite:

Caress ‘em gently, baby, let the dust fall on my leg.

Caress ‘em gently, baby, let the dust fall on my leg.

The way you caress my lemon, ah,

I think I’m gonna wet the bed…

wet, the, bed, yeah.